I’m at my wit’s end.  I honestly don’t know what to do or where to turn.  After Julie wrote her blog about cooking through Julia’s recipes.  After it became a book.  After it became a movie.  It really put the pressure on me.

Coming up with material for Boomer Humor is certainly not the issue.  I’m blessed with many friends who are fodder for great amounts of funny stories about growing old(er).  Getting published really doesn’t seem to be all that difficult, either.  All you need is lots and lots of money to sink into marketing and you can make a small fortune – from a large one.

The problem is more important.  Much scarier.  Much more insurmountable.  The issue is who will play me in the movie.  This is important!!! This isn’t something you turn over to producers and directors.  The rest of my life could be affected.  My ability to walk down the streets of Ashland, KY, population nearly 22,000, and keep my head high could be severely affected if, for example, Woody Allen played me.  He’s clever enough, I admit.  But, the accent is all wrong.  I can’t see him speaking “Kentucky.”

I, of course, thought of George Clooney, since he is from Kentucky and has my looks.  I once stood in for his Dad as a keynote speaker for a United Way kickoff.  We’re practically family.  But, I don’t know if he’s up for the role.

Clive Owen’s got the name and the style. Harrison Ford’s the right age and has great charisma.  Pierce Bronson was cool enough for 007.  I figure he’s cool enough to play me.  But, the director would most likely insist he take off his shirt.  That’s a deal breaker.  I feel very strongly about not taking my shirt off in public.  I want to attract business.  Not kill it forever.

I used to think it was enough to write a funny blog and let people read about situations they recognize.  It is wonderful when readers book me for speeches or workshops based on my blog.  That is what I want.

But personal satisfaction isn’t enough anymore.  Your blog’s not considered relevant unless you can boast a book or a movie.  You can tell what your friends are thinking:  “Oh, you have that little blog you’re trying to write.  Those little stories about being old.  By, the way, does anyone outside your family read them?”

A movie deal would elevate me.  So, I’m on a quest. If I can find the “right” person to be Bob, it will bring credibility.  I have a third cousin who wants the role and is currently trying to break into acting.  His parole officer said he won’t be available until next year, however.  My plumber considered the part for a while, but he couldn’t justify a pay cut.

I guess I’ll just keep plugging away.  I do have hope for one more possibility.  I must say, he’s perfect.  We wear the same kind of clothes, and we act alike. If he says “yes,” I’m rolling.

Oh my gosh.  He’s calling right now.  I have to go and answer the phone. “Hello, Goofy.  I’ve been hoping you’d return my call.”